I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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