It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
