even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize