Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
