he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We left an ass print on the piano.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
