god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
