hotel room ftw
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
