my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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