3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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