ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
