alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
