no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
