I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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