Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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