it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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