I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
wow bdsm is so cute
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
