I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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