Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
