Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm just crazy horny about you
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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