It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
