I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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