I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
