Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
be right there i have to get my cape
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
