Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
