I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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