Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it glows. i had to have it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
