and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
