he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
