wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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