oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
