community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
