Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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