I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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