I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize