You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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