I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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