What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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