I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
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Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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