god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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