A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
