Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
