okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
