Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
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its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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