i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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