Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
