So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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