I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Fuck appropriateness.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I need moral support for this bender
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
