I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
