Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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