Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
