it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
