well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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