Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
