It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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