we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
