That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
