I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
