So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
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Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
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If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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