im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
