I accidentally burped into my bong.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
