When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
