I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well I just put wine in my tea
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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