I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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