Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
