i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
