I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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