We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
