nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
