the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
