May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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