Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the day after is always just damage control
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
