just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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