a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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