she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
